I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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