I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
