I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
