and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
