Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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