for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
