You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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