Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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