I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
