Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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