He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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