week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
