I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
