Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
