Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
