I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
