what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
