I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
