I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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