i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
