Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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