oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
