Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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