I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
