I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
