We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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