Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
