I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
