How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
