I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
