You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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