Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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