i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
