yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
