Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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