the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
