hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
