his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
