Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
