Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
