Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
