I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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