Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its not stalking. its research.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
