She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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