4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
