boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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