Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
