It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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