the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
