If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
