Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am available for nakedness
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